yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
