I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
