oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All I want is dick and wine.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
