at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
