The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
