people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
