Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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