My cat gives me a boner
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
