Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
