your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Found your dick twin last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
