I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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