In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
