i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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