I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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