I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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