I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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