epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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