im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
