Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
