I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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