final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
