Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
