just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
