youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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