I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
