how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
