Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
