I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
