Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
