Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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