Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
