They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Someone signed my nipple.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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