You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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