my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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