I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
