i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
