Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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