I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
