some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
