Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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