I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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