Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize