This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize