Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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