Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
