How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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