Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
