Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
