i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize