I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
