Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
