Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
