Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
