At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
