He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
