I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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