I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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