don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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