I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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