my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
