My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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