party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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