Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
