I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
