Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
