i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
