I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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