I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
